How do you deal with it? (An emotional vent... be prepared.)
Okay, so, to put it straight, I have dealt with family members passing away since I was quite young. Always sad to go through, yet each time a learning and growing experience.
In the past week I have had all of my 6 awesome and supportive siblings and a couple other family members stay in our home, leave almost all at once, and then my children enter their grieving in different forms. Skylah, our sweet youngest, has had nightmares. Three nights ago she stayed up (dragging me along for the ride) until 4am. So, we decided to go and get her a color-changing LED lamp in the shape of a large flower and a CD player for her room, hoping that soothing lights and sounds will help her. The past two nights have been a vast improvement.
In the middle is Ranoah. A attention-grabbing, sweet, fun-loving girl who has decided to blurt out at an moment that "she misses May-Ma" and starts to whine like a cat. I am trying not to be insensitive to her needs, but at the same time I try real hard with her to encourage her not to blurt things out like that. (Especially in front of strangers in the middle of the grocery store.)
Then there comes our oldest, Zach. When I was just a little older than he is now, I experienced my last grandparent passing away. It was nothing new for me. I remember observing my mom in how she dealt with it. It was a sad time. But I also had a knowledge somewhat of why things work that way. However, Zach hasn't ever experienced the death of a loved one. May-Ma and he were extremely close. She took care of him during his entire first year on this Earth. And she had spent almost every waking hour of the time living here in the past two months with her grand kids. Needless to say, it has hit him hard.
The one person I would be calling for advice on how to guide a child through this is the one who has left my physical side. I know she is there to guide me as I need it. But she is no longer on the phone whenever I need her to answer a question. I have only the box of Kleenex, a few supportive words from close friends and my loving Heavenly Father. I have blown up at my kids so many times this week, it isn't funny. And yet they keep forgiving me.
This morning was very hard. I realized at one point that most of my family was at that very moment in AZ for my mom's burial. And my kids weren't listening. So, once again, I blew up. After I finally asked them to go to their rooms so we could all have some time to ourselves, I fell to my knees and begged my Heavenly Father to help me. To give me strength, and grant me the courage to be with my kids without losing patience or nerve.
I felt an immediate calm. I was in tears, but was no longer feeling the anger towards my kids, or myself. I know Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ love and support me, always. I also know I need to start taking my mom's awesome advice and get down on my knees more often, and not wait until after the yelling has commenced. I know They are there for me when I need Them. It is an awesome thing... Prayer.
10 comments:
I love you, Hope.
You are an amazing mother.
You obviously had an amazing role model.
I appreciate your words even though you made me cry...hard.
Oh man Hope, you totally made me cry. I have also found myself on my knees like that after blowing up at my kids because of the stress of things. (not losing a loved one, but other major stressors of life,) Kids are so amazing at how they forgive us, aren't they!?? Thanks for the reminder of how important and wonderful prayer is. It one of the best gift our Heavenly Father has given us.
My parents went to your moms burial, and said it was very nice, and so many people were there. Shows you how many people thought your mom was wonderful too. I'm sorry you were not able to be there. You guys are still in our thoughts and prayers!
Your mom was amazing, and you're following right in her footsteps, but as far as I can tell, you're doing an even better job. She would want it that way too. Learn from her, do better, live your life full of love.
As a mother, you don't get to slow down to grieve, so naturally you'll feel short with the kids, and overwhelmed with small things, it's just your way, and it's okay.
Isn't it great to know that we'll all be together again one day, and that we have our Heavenly Father to talk to in the meantime.
My great grandma Lucero has been an angel by my side many times through my mohtering, and I believe that your mom will be there for you when you need her most... she's right there.
Love the new pic of you family. Love that Trish is in it.
Love your faith, and awesome example.
I have been the same way lately. I don't have kids, but I've taken it out a little on my Patients. Yesterday I just came home and lost it. I just bawled on Mike's shoulder. Glad to know I'm not the only one feeling it. I'm going to call the family today. Love you.
I wish I had an answer. Be gentle with them, but also be gentle on yourself.
Oh, Hope. I love you so much. Don't become frustrated with yourself. Blowing up when you are under so much strain is not unheard of in my home! I am a regularly lovely person who, under enough stress, becomes a loaded box of dynamite. It's humiliating, embarrassing, and shaming, I know. But it does not lesson your value in the eyes of those who love you (including kids and H.F.).
I am sure you have explained to your kids your feelings. Remind them that you are sorry and that you just haven't learned where to channel the pain yet. They will understand, and the Lord understands that you are working on one of the most difficult things in your life so far. He will have endless patience with you. Have patience with yourself. It will come.
I want to echo Sherrie. If there is anything I noticed being with you guys last week, it was certainly how much of your Mother has trickled into her children. When you mentioned that your bishopric member might give time to those who wanted it, I was going to bring that up. There is so much of your Mother in you and your siblings. Therefore, a part of her is with you at every moment. She is with you, hugging you. Feel her love, the Lord's love, my love, your family's love.
Love you. We were made capable of imperfection so that through it we could gain perfection. Think on the Lord. He will send his peace, and your heart will feel it when it is prepared. Mind, it may need to prepare and feel it over and over, and that's okay.
Love, Trish
Hope, it is such a rough thing to loose a family member, and then have to take care of your own at the same time. I'm sure your mother is still by your side, just in a different way. Relax, take time for yourself to heal too. I'm thinking about you!
Jeff was shocked when i told him. He loved working with your mom so much.
Know that you are loved by many, near and far! Your mom is still with you just in a different way, like your friend Emily has said. And you also have her good influence and advice to pass on to your kids and a legacy is definately something worth remembering!
You are a great person and a great mom and these are rough roads you are on right now, but your kids will always love you and Heavenly Father will always be there ready to give you strength!
You are such a great mom and will be an even better mom after having gone through this. Just remember you will make it and then the missing won't hurt so much and the fun memories will come out. Just hang in there and keep smiling.
So sorry to hear about your loss. You are wonderful to have taken the time out you needed and to have prayed. We love you! i am sorry i didn't know sooner my family would have liked to have been there. Our condolences to you all in this diffucult time.
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